Fear Of Abandonment (2 of 2)

Part 2 - What can you do to heal?

Let’s have a little recap on how “fear of abandonment“ can start first of all, then look at some strategies to overcome the destructive impacts. There ARE ways to manage it, helped by a little focus and a good dose of self awareness.

We can learn to be fearful of being abandoned very early on in life, based on certain life experiences. Depending on what those are, there is the potential to either adjust our understanding as we mature, OR develop further issues around separation and low self esteem as we continue on life’s journey.

For example, it’s not unusual for a toddler to feel anxious or even get highly upset, when a primary care-giver leaves them in someone else’s care whilst they work, but over time, they often begin to understand that the person will return and they therefore outgrow that fear.

Another child may experience neglect, loss of an important figure or a family separation that leads them to be fearful of being left in the future, affecting all kinds of relationships.

It’s not always physical abandonment that creates anxiety though. It can be the fear of being emotionally abandoned, especially if we experienced loneliness, rejection by peers or a lack of understanding in the time before full maturity. Those early crushes and rejections can be surprisingly painful and problematic in paving the pathway forward …

So, what can you do?

Well firstly it’s important to accept that change IS possible; you just require the capacity and desire to let go of some old beliefs in order to move forward.

Be honest with yourself -

❓Are you an ultimate people pleaser?

❓Are you jealous/suspicious in relationships?

❓Do you feel inadequate?

❓Do you avoid getting too close or dependent?

❓Can any criticism shatter you? If the answer is YES. to a number of the above, the next question is simple

DO YOU TRULY WANT TO CHANGE?

If so, great! Try these…

AUTO-CORRECT

1) Decide on the behaviour, language, reaction you want to change and in what way you want to change it

2) Be alert to catch yourself repeating it …Pause

3) Introduce your preferred response every time

For example, if you recognise you’re snapping at your partner ahead of their night out, PAUSE, and tell them what’s honestly on your mind.

REALITY CHECK

1) Recognise the unwanted thoughts you’ve been having

2) Dial up your awareness of the early triggers and signs

3) Recap on the reality vs your fears, at the end of the day

FRIENDS IN, FOES OUT

1) Clarify the kinds of qualities you need from people to feel secure, valued, supported

2) Assess if you‘ve got in the habit of allowing negative or hurtful people to stay in your life

3) Let go … of anything or anyone toxic

👉Our subconscious minds are incredible. 👉Its their job to protect us. 👉We often learn to be fearful as a child. 👉Some of those fears don’t serve us in adult life, and actually cause much pain and turmoil.

If it’s time to 🛑 the fear, maybe you’d like to take a step today.